Tag Archives: Thought Catalog

Getting Better; Moving On

welcomebackMy last post was April 28th. It’s so hard to believe it’s been that long already. I’d hoped to do a better job documenting how things were going, but honestly, I just haven’t felt up to it until recently. If good things come to those who wait, I should really be due some amazing stuff soon….

In my last post, I talked a little about my battle with ulcerative colitis. I’m still battling through the same flare up, but things are finally getting a little better. First of all, I finally had to switch doctors. I simply felt I wasn’t getting the care I needed and that’s the nice thing about having options: there’s always the possibility for second opinions.

The 6-MP still makes me nauseous, but not nearly to the extent it did when I first started taking it. I’m hoping to taper off that sooner rather than later. My new doctor, after countless screens, scopes, and tests, decided to bring out the big guns, medically speaking, and try some biologic medication. If you’ve seen ads on TV for Humira, you’ve at least heard of biologics before. I’m now taking something similar to Humira called Simponi, which I give myself via injections once a month (after this month; the first month, you have to give yourself two injections).

Humira and Simponi belong to a family of drugs called TNF-blockers that work by directly affecting your immune system. Since ulcerative colitis (like rheumatoid arthritis) is an autoimmune disease, these drugs go in and try to tame the immune system to get it to stop attacking the body. I gave myself my first injection on Wednesday. I’ll spare you the details, but it seems like the drug might already be working. Even if it’s just a coincidence, the small improvement in my symptoms is certainly welcome.

Continue reading

Advertisements
Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Terror of Fatherly Frailty

Joey Hat Green onesie

Many people are terrified of becoming a parent; sometimes fears overlap with those of others, but often, they feel singular and impossible to cope with. I wrote a piece for Thought Catalog talking about exactly this, opening deeply personal veins and bleeding them onto the page. Here’s an excerpt:

On December 21, 2013, I became a father for the first time. However, I feel like I should qualify what I’m going to say before I even say it, lest I alienate ~90 percent of my audience before this essay hits sixty words. In any case, here goes: I actually never really wanted to be a father. I’ve known many men who’ve shared this sentiment, but few, if any, who meant it the same way I did. I say this now in retrospect, which is an important distinction, I think. I say this because, while most people are universally worried about sleepless nights, changing diapers, a formerly vibrant social life atrophied and on life support, being responsible for another (tiny) human life, or any/all of the above. Admittedly, I’ve always had my own reservations about those things, but they’d barely pinged my anxiety meter (which, n.b. is incredibly sensitive). . . .

My reservations about becoming a father stem from my set of seemingly shattered genetics, the sum total of which often makes it a Herculean feat to simply get through any given day. I’ve become accustomed to reaching the point of each day where exhaustion sets in — deep into the marrow of my bones, my being — turning menial daily tasks into Gordian Knot-like productions. Changing diapers is not scary; trying to raise a child who might have to help take care of you sooner than he should ever have to is scary. It’s the stuff of nightmares. I’ve had them already. . . .

. . . [But even] while there are definitely things I can’t do with my son—and won’t be able to do unless modern science comes up with a full-body transplant for my somewhat functional brain—there’s still so much I can  do, so much I can teach him that isn’t predicated on my health that it makes me feel almost silly for fretting the way I did before he was born. . . .

Read the rest over at Thought Catalog if you’re interested!

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,
%d bloggers like this: